I feel great
I just peed on a car
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We just shotgunned beers for America
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
