If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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