I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
