dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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