all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
