It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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