So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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