i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
