Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
