i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
