Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
