The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
