Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
