it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Welp...herpes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I need water and some morals
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
