Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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