there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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