Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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