he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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