Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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