Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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