in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
