remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
