Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I want her autograph on my taint
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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