I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
