Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
