Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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