it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I want a musical about memes.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
