if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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