i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
