I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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