when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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