who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
