is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
