So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
