just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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