how can u be prego again
Someone shit on the floor
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
