Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
