there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
