i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
