I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
