my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
