You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
