i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize