You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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