And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
