Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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