OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
