After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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