You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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