What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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